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Literature Text
Summer
she gave birth to sunflowers and mirth,
never asked for honey-bee kisses or
pecks from sweet hummingbirds
in return. such a blessed daughter,
so radiant and lovely,
always giving nectar to
the foundlings that made her
mother's world that much
brighter.
she gave birth to sunflowers and mirth,
never asked for honey-bee kisses or
pecks from sweet hummingbirds
in return. such a blessed daughter,
so radiant and lovely,
always giving nectar to
the foundlings that made her
mother's world that much
brighter.
Literature
* THE GARDENER *
I have forgotten how your hands
Cared the roots and trimmed the roses
Your fingertips bringing peace to the land
And nature sleeps as this day closes
Tha gardener sprinkling water with a smile
The animals biting the earth in singular way
The soil is happily waiting so fertile
The icy fire dancing lead in a passion play
And still your hands are touching ground
I turn into this burned stone feeling remorse
Suddenly I am singing in your homemade sound
And the water in the woods is taken by force <>
Literature
notesleep
playing my emphases like harp strings
your voice smokes thru the oaken bramble
pour a carbonated apology, a sun-stained
mile marked envelope, two ill-fitted birds,
hands small holes right before a rush of river
what it feels like being swallowed from the outside
crushing rings into truth serum, pretend
to be out of tune with that deception
I have been unable to parse my own persona
a pink cotton voice I remember thru the phone
I remember because it formed me into a granary
one crop after another of patriarchal idioms
whisper my secrets so softly into a glint of red hair
a saucer-eyed lace pattern cut into pine paper
I practice radical self lo
Literature
Krisengebiete
Wenn Berge aus Stahl nach Osten rollen,
ins Morgenland, wo Affen tollen.
Aus Menschenschweiß,
für Menschentränen
und Menschenblut,
wo Menschen sehnen.
Von Menschenfleisch
zu Menschenbrand,
zu Menschenstaub im wüsten Sand.
Des Menschen Gier
zu Menschenasche.
Silbern glänzt es in der Tasche.
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There hasn't been an inkling of sun in the past two days, and there won't be for probably another three. So I tried my absolute best to think of summer as it should be. 
Inspiration came from this lovely DD found here.
Update #1: I revised the poem after receiving some advice and edits from SilverInkblot. I feel a lot better about this poem, now!
Keep critiquing and sharing your opinions! 
The original piece can be found here.
Questions for Critique
First impressions?
Thoughts/feelings/interpretations?
Word choice - yay/nay?
Originality & Technique?
written for the Glory-Be-Project
Started April 16th, 2014
---
© Ashley Nicole Gilbert
Inspiration came from this lovely DD found here.Update #1: I revised the poem after receiving some advice and edits from SilverInkblot. I feel a lot better about this poem, now!
Keep critiquing and sharing your opinions! The original piece can be found here.Questions for Critique
First impressions? Thoughts/feelings/interpretations? Word choice - yay/nay? Originality & Technique? written for the Glory-Be-Project
Started April 16th, 2014
---
© Ashley Nicole Gilbert
Comments28
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Hey there,
Prettyflour here on behalf of 
with the critique you requested.
Oh! What a lovely free verse! This poem made me smile, so thank you for that.
As far as constructive feedback is concerned, the only thing that tripped me up a bit while reading was the four line:
in return. such a blessed daughter,
For me, the flow of this line is a bit disjointed due to the sentence ending and a new one beginning all in one line. But other than that I very much enjoyed you poem and I thank you for sharing your words.